5 Tips for Your Next Job Interview (Satire)

5 TIPS FOR YOUR NEXT JOB INTERVIEW

BY Nina Greenhill

1. Be out standing in your work ethic.

This means stand physically outside your workplace whilst doing your interview to ensure everyone knows how dedicated you are to being outstanding in your field. Yelling from distances is encouraged.

2. Dress for the job you want.

This is the time to bring out that Goku shirt you got from Jay Jays, or that Dread Pirate Roberts outfit you made for that special occasion. What’s important here is to strike fear into the hearts of those you are competing with for a promotion or job by dressing your best.

3. Douse yourself in deodorant so that no one around you can smell literally anything else.

This will ensure your potential new boss knows you value hygiene. Lynx is recommended for maximum effect.

4. Be sure to use the latest lingo in order to show you know how to communicate with others.

The newer the word, the more impressive it will be to the (most likely) boomer that is interviewing you. If they don’t understand what you are saying, be sure to enunciate during your in depth explanation just in case someone’s hearing aids aren’t working.

5. Manage your social media.

Be sure to put as many pictures on your Facebook profile of you doing any and all social activities with others. Your potential employer will see you are a well rounded person who can also down 21 shots if need be. You never know what weird skills you’ll need for your new job!

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