her kisses
of gin and smoke
chosen poisons implanted on my tongue
a musky bittersweet flavour
that left me longing for more

she started to “monologue”
a cascade of her truths
I was absorbed by her energy
honoured to bare witness
to such glorious existence
my heart thudded
to the beat of her

when we went to her bed
I wasn’t apologising
there were no racing thoughts
as I breathed in her essence
and felt alive

because she didn’t set the guidelines
the rules and expectations
of what defines “beauty” and who we should please
if I’m with a man I get caught up
in how I’m supposed to be
but with her it’s easy.
I yearn for that freedom again.