I finally turn the corner into my long street, and it is impossible to find parking. If only this blue Hyundai would align with the curb and not take up two parking spaces, then I would be able to smoothly park behind them. Why do humans do this? Why can’t we just be considerate of others? Now I must use every ounce of my mental energy. I pull up to the Hyundai, making sure that my left back window is aligned halfway to the back of this inconsiderate car. Turn the wheels at a 45-degree angle and slowly reverse. I concentrate so hard to follow all the steps right, but I still hit the curb and the internal screaming begins. Again, I align the car, 45-degree angle, reverse, turn the wheels back and forth a few times. Good enough. I press the button to shut off the automatic car and the rumbling of the engine abruptly stops. There is a moment of silence. I open the car door to let myself out and immediately the trees are crashing, the litter in the grass stares at me, and the pushed over shopping trolleys squeal because people have abandoned them on the sidewalk. As I start walking up the hill, each step feels like rep in the gym and my RPE is an eight. The weight of the day pours into my bag, and it feels so heavy it drags my shoulders down. I keep pushing myself. Each step I get closer to home.
As I approach the old, unglamourous, 1950s Aussie brick-lined double doors, my vision narrows and the rest of the world blurs. I walk up to them like I just passed the semi-final level. One more to go until I reach you. Beams of light are radiating through the cracks of our apartment door, bringing a warmth like yours. Reaching the door, I dig through my bag for the keys, each second feeling like waiting in an impossibly long line. When I finally unlock the door, our beautiful tortie ragdoll, Eevee, tries to escape.
“Not today, Eevee. The world is not a kind place. Some will not appreciate your multicoloured fur and passionate voice.” I save her from the horrors of society with my feet and I hear your masculine voice.
“Hellooo hunny! How was your day?”
Immediately my heart flutters and my world lights up. I act cool and reply sweetly, “Haiii hunny. It was good. I missed you.”
Our eyes meet and I feel safe. You look like an Asian Green Lantern standing in the living room to greet me, and I am your Carol. Just like the first day we met at the lower campus UNSW, you were wearing green head to toe. Is this what it is like to go home to someone you love? Do you feel the same when you hear me come through the door?
In the quietude of each day and night, a tale like ours is a blinding beam. Some nights we talk for hours, some nights we sit in silence, some nights we cuddle and rest our bodies against each other, other nights we admire each other at a distance. Some nights we smoke until we cough so hard our throats sting and it lasts for a while. When this happens, you beg me to grab the sparkling water, pointing at the fridge. You try your hardest to utter the words as your cough shakes the whole room, and I giggle a little bit. I am high as fuck and my cravings kick. We know we shouldn’t, but your mischievous eyes meet mine, revealing an unspoken desire. How did we get here? Ordering the best Macca’s meal. You get a double quarter pounder meal with a coke zero, I get a single quarter pounder meal, also with a coke zero. Chicken nuggets to share. I know I will feel guilty tomorrow, sick from the cloggy carbs, sweet sauce, and salty fries. I dread the judgements that are pounding in my body, but tonight I refuse to let them in, because all that matters is now. We binge-watch Love is Blind, critiquing the lives presented on screen. It is so dumb and stupid – the edits are choppy, and the storylines are so scripted, but it is so addicting we cannot stop. Somehow, it is 3am and I urge you to sleep.
Tonight is calmer. When I ask for my toothbrush, you hand it to me wet, forgetting that I prefer to brush my teeth with a dry brush. I sigh, but forgive you for your silly mistake. We brush our teeth together, fighting over the sink, and, as the night is ending, we try to lay side by side in bed. Eevee has elongated her body across it, leaving barely any space for us. You watch some UK YouTubers that I do not know while I scroll through TikTok. After a reasonable dose of social media – in my opinion – I turn off my phone and roll over to hint that you also have had your reasonable dose. With no words, you understand and turn towards me, reaching out your hand as an invitation. Our fingers inevitably meet and twine together loosely. As our bodies heat the bed, my anxieties dissipate, and a sense of contentedness fills me.
I am ready for tomorrow.
