Dear Blitzian,

For the sweats and overachievers of the UNSW cohort, this time of year means endless due dates, multi-section Google forms, and, most irritatingly… group interviews. That’s right—it’s sub-com recruitment, and I completely sympathize with your complaints. 

As a university that prides itself on its clubs and social culture, joining a subcommittee is made out to be a necessity for student success. Not only is it considered essential to making genuine and long-term friends, something that is notoriously tricky when most of you only attend about 30% of your in-person lectures each week, but it’s also a great way to prove to employers that you’re ‘career ready’... whatever that’s supposed to mean. However, for such prized and in-demand positions, the actual application process is more than questionable. 

So you’ve just finished navigating your favourite society’s social media page to find their call-out post for new subcom applications. You do a quick link tree detour before finding yourself in front of the almighty Google form. You’ll be hit with the basic questions first–name, degree, age– all the usuals. But don’t be fooled; things get weird fast. 

Don’t be fooled by the prestige and competitiveness of some of UNSW’s elite societies. It’s always the most professional groups who ask the most outrageous questions. For example, 180 Degrees Consulting is notorious for its acceptance rate below 20%. It makes sense that the applicants were faced with all the hard hitters for directors to determine whether they are ready to join a professional consulting service and commit many hours a week to this demanding role. A prime example is, ‘What’s your favourite meme?’. However, writing numerous paragraph-long responses is a minor inconvenience compared to the interview process. 

For all of you socially awkward UNSW students, group interviews are a stressful process! They often involve being allocated to a random group of other applicants, which means trying to socialize and come across as personable while having to come up with clever yet concise answers for each of the unnecessarily overloaded interview questions. This will all be conducted while one or two older students sit behind their laptop screens, typing incessantly while smiling nicely at your pained efforts to impress them. 

The older, more seasoned committee members probably told you the stock-standard lie. The interviews are ‘chill’, and are ‘just a vibe check’, so there’s ‘nothing to worry about’. I’m convinced these lies are told just to fabricate the horror stories that inevitably come out of these horrid interviews. I’ve genuinely heard everything from you lot. “What’s your worst flaw?” “Thoughts on Elon Musk?”. Marketing portfolio applicants having to make on-the-spot graphic designs. Events applicants are told to jokingly “bark like a dog” or “act like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly.” However, as a penguin, I would ace those animal impressions. 

Although applicants are granted the gift of being able to shy behind a device screen, video interviews are almost always bound for technical issues and awkward silences. I made the mistake of taking my BirdSoc interview in the outdoor seating area under the sundial during the busy midday rush. I will attribute my rejection email to the fact that they couldn’t hear half of what I said. 

Anyways, here's MY advice… 

1. Don’t put all your penguin eggs in one basket.

It’s okay to have a favourite society, but apply to a few just in case. I myself was overly confident that as a rare Antarctic bird, I would have no problem getting into BirdSoc, so that rejection letter definitely caught me off guard. Clearly, the application process is way too volatile to be certain you’ll get in, so have backups!

2.  Chillax!!

The submission above said it best; it’s not that deep. The sub-com application process should be fun and exciting! Don’t take it too seriously because, by the look of those application questions, the interviewers certainly aren’t. You are bound to make mistakes and have some awkward experiences, but it’s part of the process. Plus, if you have any interesting stories, you can send them via the Walter’s Wisdom form for my personal entertainment! 

3.  A blessing in disguise 

If you got rejected like me, you probably dodged a bullet. Remember that you’re willingly going through a couple of weeks of a stressful interview process just to be even more stressed trying to keep up with sub-com tasks for a whole year. Is it worth it when you’re already averaging 4 hours of sleep?? Sub-committees are nice, but they are not the be-all and end-all. There are plenty of other ways to make friends on campus. Use those social skills! I know they’re hidden in there… somewhere.

4. There’s always Blitz ;)

We’re always looking for new applicants, and absolutely anyone can submit articles! Join us. Join me!

I’m sorry; perhaps I’m being too merciless. Maybe I’m just bitter that the society I applied to –the UNSW Ski & Board Club– wasn’t too keen on accepting an underage, two-and-a-half feet tall penguin. Little do they know that even without their fancy equipment, I’d smoke all of them on an alpine slalom. 

Kind Regards, 

Walter :>