I am sorry to hear you are experiencing woes with your friend. It’s important to remember that even the best of friends experience rocky times, and the ability to work through the bad ultimately defines your friendship as good.
You mentioned that you only recently find less joy in your friend’s company. Before you decide you have outgrown the friendship, it could be worth asking what triggered this change in the friend dynamic. If you are only just starting uni, your friend may be finding the transition from high school challenging. Uni friendships are a big change from high school friendships — there is no more forced proximity that lets you see your friends every day, and instead you have to make an effort to fit seeing friends into your schedule. Your friend may be feeling anxious in this transitional period, and it could just take time for them to find their footing.
If you are seasoned uni students, there could be something else going on in your friend’s life that makes them want your company. By no means is their passive aggression in seeking your company okay, but there could be something going on behind the scenes that is making them act this way. If you are close with this person you should be able to talk to them about what might be going on. If not, it might be time to establish some boundaries.
While there might be something going on with your friend, it’s still important that you have your own needs met. If you really need some alone time between classes, you could let your friend know in advance that you will be busy. You could make plans to catch up with other friends, or say you need to get some study time in. This could help in setting the boundary that you aren’t available all the time, and still gives them the chance to plan to hang out with someone else.
Alternatively, it is okay to not respond to your friend instantly. We are so bound by the fact that our phones give us almost instantaneous access to each other that we forget there was a time when this wasn’t the case. Before smartphones were a thing, if you weren’t home to receive a call or at your computer to see an email, then too bad! People trying to contact you would have to wait until you got home to listen to their messages and call them back. If you really need some space, don’t feel guilty putting your phone on Do Not Disturb and then reply to your friend later to explain you were busy.
Finally, you should ask yourself if your friend’s clinginess is all that’s bothering you. If it is, then trying to resolve it by offering support to or setting boundaries with your friend could help save the friendship. If there is more going on, it might be time to consider whether you are truly outgrowing each other. University is the time we are growing into fully-formed human beings, and sometimes, during the process, we grow in different directions. Just because a friendship isn’t serving you now doesn’t mean it was meaningless; it got you where you are today, and that is something you carry forward with you, even if the friendship doesn’t continue in the same way.
Remember, a friendship shouldn’t feel draining. If it does, then it’s a chore, not a friendship.
