AN ODE TO UNSW LOVE LETTERS MOST INFAMOUS OFFENDERS 


BY Laura Kenny

All hail the (not) conquering heroes. Attending uni and not accidentally falling in love with the hot guy who haunts your 2pm Tute on Thursdays is a crime against humanity and we will not stand for it. Living your best life is almost completely synonymous with living your worst life when it comes to turning your best friend into your boyfriend and trying to be romantic without being a creep. Your twenties are a time of risk and horror, of sweet sweet flings and long drawn out something-or-others. UNSW Love Letters is a timeless and relentless ode to unrequited love, hornyness and general failure to launch your crush.

AND NOW, for your sadistic viewing pleasure, enlighten yourself with some of the all-star performers this year. 

1. This is pure wisdom from one playa to another:

If you haven't flirted with a tutor, you're probably lying to yourself. Join us in the throng of eternal shame.

2. Behold and WEEP the cutting social(ist) commentary:

Look guys, just because Capitalism is literally giving us all precarious living circumstances by severing us from owning the means of production and treading us into perpetual debt and loneliness doesn't mean that Socialist Alternative folks don't need your love.

3. Romantic or Take a Hint?

When it comes to the big ole L word, the line between passion and creep is extremely important to identify and HERE IT IS.  It also belies a fundamental misunderstanding of sea-faring vessels but that's neither here nor there. 

4. Send that letter / late night text / shameless meme

This needs no intro. If you haven't seen To All The Boys I've Loved Before then you are swimming upstream my furry friend, get.on.board. 

5. Not even the internet can answer this age old question

I remember some pretty explicit instructions about not coveting in the Bible, but whoever wrote that mustn't have ever known the thirst of an off-limits crush. Good news buddy? We feel you. Bad news? You're between a rock and hard place. 

6. Free Advice: Don't do this.

Remember the days when you had to magically appear at the same place as your crush and strike up a conversation to get to know them? Of course you don't millennial masses. Hot tip, say hi with your real human face and voice.

7. You did NOTHING WRONG and yet nothing right, congratulations you 10/10.

May this be the reminder you needed but didn't want. Life is short, seize the day and/or anonymous declarations of love.

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