Men don’t ask questions about respect for fear of women getting angry and yelling at them, and women don’t share their experiences of disrespect because of negative reactions from men.
Discussing respect and healthy relationships is a tricky conversation that we aren’t adequately navigating, and it takes an understanding of the vastly different experiences men and women have in society to even try. UNSW's EDI (Equity, Diversity & Inclusivity) and Wellness Coordinator Aleina Daiby, shares her thoughts regarding consent and healthy relationships ahead of Respect Week and emphasises that including men in the conversation is critical in promoting respectful relationships.
UNSW's EDI & Wellness Coordinator, Aleina Daiby
The ultimate idea of Respect Week is that it is “suited for all audiences,” according to Aleina. With the theme being focused on consent and healthy relationships, it is important that it is accessible, inclusive and incorporates a range of cultural perspectives regarding consent.
Campaigns such as ‘Walk in Her Heels’ and ‘Push Each Other Up’ aim to be accessible and have a “low barrier to entry” to engage men (and everyone) in discussions about respect and healthy relationships.
The Walk in Her Heels campaign brings a female perspective to the idea of respect, where men will attempt challenges such as races in women’s shoes to position themselves from women’s experiences.
The Push Each Other Up campaign focuses on the importance of male emotional vulnerability and removing the stigma from men expressing emotions. “Strength goes beyond physical; emotional and psychological strength applies equally to men.”
What does Aleina hope these campaigns achieve on campus? “Even if we only get a conversation starter out of it, I’ll be really happy,” Aleina says. Both men and women should be equally involved in conversations of consent and healthy relationships, but often this is not always the case. Conversations tend to be very female-oriented which can be confronting to a man who is trying to understand or learn, as it leads to avoidance for fear of being attacked. “Giving them a seat at the table is so important,” Aleina says, “and just making them aware that these things happen. Because half the time they don’t know.” The sentiment is recognised as she recalls various news stories of male violence toward women, and men’s reactions being of mild surprise that these kinds of incidents even occur. Of course, to women it is no surprise, and simply a fact of life. “Women are socialised to not talk about how they feel, because suffering is being part of a woman…the conversations can also be hard to have. And when women do speak out, they are rarely well received.”
It results in anger among women that we must live with this, whereas men often remain vaguely unaware of the impact violence has. This causes dissonance when the conversation of respectful relationships arises, as both men and women live vastly different lives and fail to understand how to articulate these experiences.
So what does a healthy and respectful relationship look like? “I think having equal voices are so important,” Aleina says, citing the way she grew up with siblings in her household. “For me, it doesn’t matter your age or your gender, you still got to have a say. I think out of the household that’s very important too.” She also emphasises that it’s about listening. “We’re not very good listeners, in the general scheme of things. No one’s really listening to the other side of the conversation. It can blow things like microaggressions way out of proportion.”
What does a disrespectful relationship look like? “Any behaviour that’s controlling, such as what I wear, or who I talk to, or my finances…that’s a major no,” Aleina says. “You should be able to trust the person you’re in a relationship with.” She also says that anyone who makes you feel bad for being excited about something is a red flag. “They don’t have to like it, or get it, but being able to appreciate that that’s what makes you happy is important…anyone who rolls their eyes or makes fun of you, that’s not ok.”
Respect Week takes place from the 3rd of June to the 7th, and campaigns will be run on the Quad on Wednesday.
Check out more details here- https://www.arc.unsw.edu.au/ev...
Lilya Murray is a second-year student at UNSW, currently completing a Bachelor of Media, majoring in communications and Journalism. She is extremely passionate about anything related to music, especially pop. You can most likely find her rearranging playlists and listening to a different song on repeat each week, or reading in a book, in which case you won’t find her.
