JEEVES
Ladies and Gentlemen this is Blitz and it is absolutely my absolute pleasure to be talking today with the delightfully uncanny, multi-award winning, Kransky Sisters! Ladies, welcome
MOURNE
Hello, Jeeves
EVE
Hello Jeeves, hello
DAWN
…
JEEVES
So we have Mourne, Eve and I believe Dawn, I believe?
MOURNE
Yes
EVE
yes.
MOURNE
Dawn doesn’t say anything. She hasn’t spoken since our mother left with her father
JEEVES
Oh dear, that sounds like some family drama.
MOURNE
Yes.
EVE
Yes.
JEEVES
So, you guys have been travelling around in a 58 Morris major and performing your very unique style of musical comedy for about 20 years now…
MOURNE
Yes, for about 17/18 years, yes.
EVE
Yes
JEEVES
That is absolutely amazing! That is a longer time than a lot of our listeners have even been alive! So, for those listening who haven’t been so fortunate to have ever encountered the Kransky Sister experience, can you tell me, who are the Kranksy Sisters?
MOURNE
Oh! Yes, well we are three ladies who live in Esk, Queensland and we were brought up there. Actually, our mother was English and out father was Polish and we came out from England many years ago and arrived in Melbourne. We were very, very young and we lived in Melbourne, first and the new went to Queensland to live in out mother’s brother’s house – Uncle Bellamy’s house – and he was an inventor of many practical things..
EVE
…was an accident
MOURNE
Yes, unfortunately his high-tension, wind-up envelope opener became unsprung while he was opening his delivery of Christmas mail. He’s buried in our backyard. We grew up there in Esk and we have 2 sisters who play the tuba but one travels with us now – she’s called Dawn Kransky – and she plays the tuba, you see because her father paid for her education. We taught ourselves the music, didn’t we?
EVE
Yes, self-taught
MOURNE
Self-taught, yes.
EVE
we play the musical saw, guitar, keyboard, toilet brush
MOURNE
Toilet brush… and kitchen pots
EVE
Kitchen pots.
MOURNE
And we also play the rice shaker and the cheese grater.
EVE
Yes. And we listen to the wireless
MOURNE
Yes.
EVE
And get our songs from there.
MOURNE
Yes, yes. See, when we were playing, we always played together since out mother left and I had to look after everybody. I worked at the Pecker’s Pass Egg Farm and used all my savings, when I was only young, to care for Dawn and for Eve after Arva left, as well - our other sister – works with the Hornbell Military Marching Band, now. So we actually were playing in our loungeroom, you see… how it happened was we were playing away – a Michael Jackson tune, wasn’t it Eve?
EVE
Yes
MOURNE
Beat it?
EVE
Beat it and Thriller.
MOURNE
Thriller, yes. And our father’s friend, Earl Menison was walking past the front of our house with his Rottweiler dog and it stopped to do its business on our garden patch and he heard us playing and came in an asked us if we would play at the local RSL club. Well, we did and the rest is history! And he now takes us all over the world to perform. We used to travel a lot overseas, as well.
JEEVES
You guys have had quite a history together and you’ve won so many awards, which must feel amazing…
MOURNE
Yes, it’s very nice isn’t it when people give us trophies. We’ve got about 5 or 6 trophies and its very nice and I nearly won a trophy when I was in high school but the javelin went through Graeme Wilkinson’s jumper.
JEEVES
I know you use quite a lot of strange musical instruments, would you ever use one of your trophies, perhaps?
MOURNE
It might be nice!
EVE
It might be good.
MOURNE
It might make a nice jingle-jangle sound
EVE
Yes.
JEEVES
What’s your favourite instrument to perform with?
MOURNE
Favourite instrument would have to be…I think, well… Eve, what’s your favourite?
EVE
My musical saw.
MOURNE
Yes, the musical saw. It sounds rather like a lovely bird. And mine would have to be the kitchen pots and the spatula! I like the percussion.
EVE
Keeping the beat
MOURNE
Yes, I enjoy the beat, you know I think I would have liked to have been a rock-drummer in my dreams.
JEEVES
I think you can still be a rock-drummer, Mourne!
MOURNE
Yes! We play AC/DC… is out favourite.
JEEVES
So not only do you cover popular songs, am I right in saying you have original songs as well?
MOURNE
We have a couple of original songs, yes in fact we have one in our Christmas show that we’re touring at the moment. It’s about our… well our mother used to gets us up very early to do the chores and we made up a song about that – Roosters Crowing, it’s called.
JEEVES
That is wonderful. So you are right, Christmas is around the corner and you’re performing your new show: A Very Kransky Christmas I’m guessing we can expect to see a twist on some favourite Christmas carols, perhaps?
MOURNE
Yes!
EVE
Yes.
MOURNE
Yes, I’m sure that’ll be the case! Some of those songs can be a little bit spook can’t they? I mean “he’s watching you while your sleeping, he knows when you’re awake. He knows when you’ve been bad or good so be good for goodness sake” you know… you’ve got to be careful!
JEEVES
I’m already excited just by that, but what are YOU looking forward to about the show?
MOURNE
Well, we certainly have a lot to look forward to, to share with the lovely audiences. For one thing, we’ve never celebrated Christmas with lots of people, before and we loved around now and sharing our Christmas with everyone and having some fun!
EVE
Our favourite is meeting the people!
MOURNE
Yes, that’s our favourite, yes. And of course we’ve got some new songs. We’ve got songs by Gotye and Lady Gaga and Sia…
EVE
Daft Punk
MOURNE
Yes, Daft Punk
JEEVES
Wow!
MOURNE
June Carter Cash and Michael Jackson... Enya!
EVE
Yes, yes.
MOURNE
Eruption
EVE
Yes.
MOURNE
And even some, as we said, by Santa and we’ve also got a special treat because we’re bringing our special items from our house to show people that we bring out every Christmas. And we like to honour them at Christmas time, you know because its important to honour your loved ones in your memories, isn’t it, you know?
JEEVES
That’s wonderful. So what does Christmas mean to you, as a family?
MOURNE
Ah… A glace cherry on top of a cherry tomato. Yes. And some lovely Spam and chips because we don’t have it, otherwise.
JEEVES
That is beautiful! I’d love to spend Christmas with you guys!
EVE
We’d love you to come and spend Christmas with us
MOURNE
Yes! You’ll have to come and taste some out delicacies.
JEEVES
I’ll have to bring some vol au vents.
MOURNE
Ooh… vol au vents! They sound interesting! What are they?
JEEVES
Ah, they’re delicious treats!
MOURNE
They sound nice. I’d like to taste one.
EVE
Yes..
MOURNE
Yes. They sound very French.
JEEVES
They’re quite exotic. If you haven’t tried a vol au vent I’m going to make it a personal task to bring some to you!
MOURNE
Yes but as long as there’s no mashed snails in it. Eve likes the snails.
EVE
Keep them alive.
MOURNE
Keep them alive in the garden – we feed them crumbs.
JEEVES
I’m going to ask you some quickfire questions, if that’s ok? Just to get to know you a little better, Shall we?
MOURNE
Yes!
JEEVES
What are you go-to karaoke songs?
MOURNE
That would be Wind Beneath My Wings and probably Another One Bits The Dust. What about you, Eve?
EVE
Um. Careless Whisper
MOURNE
Yes
EVE
And, Oh I don’t know…
MOURNE
You like that one by…
EVE
Rod Stewart?
MOURNE
Rod Stewart, yes.
EVE
Sailing.
MOURNE
Yes.
EVE
No, I like that one… If You Want My Body..
MOURNE
What’s that?? I don’t thinks that’s a good idea. Look, even Dawn’s raising her eyebrows. Yes, look the other way, Dawn. Nothing was said that should be liked.
JEEVES
I feel like Eve harbours a lot of secret desires, that we haven’t seen all of Eve yet, have we?
MOURNE
Well I hope you shouldn’t see all of Eve! She likes to wear neck-to-knees and it should stay that way!
JEEVES
Oh, goodness!
MOURNE
Dawn! Dawn, what are you doing? Dawn’s leaving the room – she said she wants to buy some carnation milk.
JEEVES
Oh dear, ok . wave goodbye to Dawn for me! Ok! Given that its Christmas, what’s the best gift you’ve ever given someone?
MOURNE
Oh heavens, that’s a nice one… oh let me see. Definitely last year we bought Dawn a typewriter for her birthday.
JEEVES
Oh that is wonderful!
MOURNE
Yes. Yes, she wanted one with ha screen, didn’t she.
EVE
yes, she seemed a bit disappointed.
MOURNE
I don’t think she’s disappointed at anything.
JEEVES
She was not grateful?
MOURNE
Oh, she said “where’s the screen?”. I said “what do you mean?”
JEEVES
Given the genre of comedy that you swim in.. have you ever thought of putting together a Halloween album?
MOURNE
Oh! Well what songs would we put on that? That’s an interesting thought, isn’t it? Yes I’ve seen people trick-or-treating around at Halloween, yes?
JEEVES
I feel like your special skill lies within taking any song and turning it into something slightly unsettling and uncanny…
MOURNE
Perhaps we do Thriller for that. Our version of Thriller. There could be some songs about pumpkins, too. That would be nice.
JEEVES
Yeh, anything by the Smashing Pumpkins.
MOURNE
Oh! We’ll have to look into that! I’ve heard about that band!
JEEVES
Would you ever be looking for a Kransky Brother perhaps? Because I will throw my hat into the ring if you are!
MOURNE
Oh!
EVE
Oh!! Are you our brother? Jeeves.
MOURNE
We didn’t know if there was a brother, out there but we did get a let from Poland, once, from a woman saying she was out sister. She had a brother so perhaps he was our brother as well.
JEEVES
Perhaps your mother wasn’t completely honest with you?
MOURNE
She did have a lot of men visitors and would always put us out in the shed whilst she had them there. She used to put the greyhounds – our step-father’s greyhounds – between us and the shed and they made a lot of noise didn’t they?
EVE
They did a lot of panting…
MOURNE
A lot of panting, yes. The dogs were panting, yeh.
EVE
Yeh.
MOURNE
Yes.. What are you smiling for, Eve?
EVE
Oh um…
Mourne: You like him?
EVE
I like… I like Jeeves can we milk(?) Jeeves?
MOURNE
No. No, Jeeves is busy.
EVE
Do you think Jeeves can come to our place…
MOURNE
Jeeves has his own agenda, Eve!
JEEVES
I may indeed have my own agenda, Ladies, but I wouldn’t want to come between you as dear old sisters…
MOURNE
Oh, thank you.
EVE
You could if you like!
MOURNE
EVE!! Eve lives somewhere between yesterday’s lunch and today’s breakfast – she forgets things easily. Even if she invited you she’d forget at once who you were, dear. Don’t worry.
JEEVES
Oh I hope not, Eve. I’d love to take you out to dinner in Esk. Are there any lovely places to wine and dine in Esk?
EVE
Oh that’s be lovely Jeeves I’d love to go out to dinner with you!
MOURNE
Oh! What about me? I will get dinner with Jeeves and I can get all the information and come back with it.
EVE
Oh.
MOURNE
Now, Jeeves! There’s a nice place in Esk – yes, the local milk bar has seats outside it – on the plastic chairs. We can take a candle down and have a burger.
JEEVES
Drink some carnation milk, perhaps.
MOURNE
That’s be nice, yes! I can make a lovely le monge with carnation milk with vanilla essence.
JEEVES
We can dunk some SAO biscuits in it and munch on those.
MOURNE
Yes, that’d be nice! Yes! You could come one day to our place and sit in the garden and Eve could show you the ants and the snails and we could make you a neenish tart and a cup of hot cocao.
JEEVES
That sounds absolutely delightful!! I would definitely say yes to that!
MOURNE
That’s nice isn’t it, yeh.
JEEVES
Before we even do that, I would love to see you at your show!! Which is a Very Kransky Christmas – for those of you listening, it’s the perfect Christmas gift so I’d like you to get your tickets. It’s a the Sydney Opera House from December 5 to December 8. And if you miss out on that, I believe you’re going to the Canberra Theatre Centre on December 9
MOURNE
That’s right, yes. That’d be lovely.
JEEVES
Ladies and gentlemen, tickets are on sale now – get your Christmas gifts asap! Ladies, it has been my absolute pleasure
MOURNE
And ours, too. Thank you, Jeeves.
[Outro Song : Santa Clause Is Coming To Town, by the Kransky Sisters in A Very Kransky Christmas]
The perfect Chrsitmas Gift! Get tickets to A VERY KRANSKY CHRISTMAS
