Dear Sushi,

It’s been a lovely thirteen years with you from that moment I met you in the form of vegetable hosomaki “baby” sushi when I was eight. You were only $2.80, but you tasted like a million. 

Nowadays, I feel like you’ve been asking me for too much. Today, all I craved was the vinegary kiss of a tuna cucumber roll. But to be taxed $4.50 for just one roll made me feel used. I’m not saying you’re a gold digger, but baby, you should care more about the attraction than the money.

Anyways, I am writing to let you know that I’ve found another lover. He might not be as fancy, but he’s longer and girthier, and packed full of meat. You might have met him, it’s the kebab who lives in a van on the corner of my house. That’s right, I’ve fallen in love with the boy next door. 

And so, these are my final goodbyes. Dear Sushi, feel free to beg for me back whenever two sushis no longer cost the same as one kebab. I’ll be waiting. For now, this just isn't going to work. Sorry.

All the best,

Caleb

Caleb Burke is studying Physics and Philosophy because he likes the shows Young Sheldon and The Good Place. In his spare time, he is probably drafting spreadsheets or wasting money on bubble tea. He is also a simp for Taylor Swift. Stream her latest studio album, "Midnights" on Spotify & Apple Music xoxo.